


Thanks, For Choosing Me

by BananaSins



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Romance, man i went all out on this one huh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 22:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20983286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaSins/pseuds/BananaSins
Summary: The promised epilogue for Pour Me cut into two parts again.Summary inside.





	Thanks, For Choosing Me

**Author's Note:**

> I sacrificed my sleep to write this one, which made this story feel more raw than usual.
> 
> The second part should be up soon.
> 
> Summary: One question repeated, each with a different purpose. All of them have different conclusions.

“Can you find it in your heart to have a purpose other than fighting?”

It was a question she asked him some time ago out of anger, and now, the question returned to her, and she must answer.

Draped with a thick blanket, Elke breathed softly through her nose. The wounds still ached, and her body weight like a ton. Her back leaned against the wall, she didn’t want to lie down forever. 

She couldn’t face him. At least, not yet.

Not without an answer in mind.

* * *

_ “Can you find it in your heart to have a purpose other than fighting?!” _

God fucking dammit.

Elke punched the wall on her right. She was so fucking stupid for not holding back, and now she said something that she shouldn’t had. Gods, what would he think of her now?

She checked her knuckles. There was a bruise on it, of course. Another self-inflicted harm to shut the guilt that gnawed at her from inside. Every time she hurt someone, she pays it by hurting herself in some way. They didn’t deserve to be pushed away by her, after reminding her that she was more than the cold-hearted persona she was masking on, and she was more than grateful for that.

Elke couldn’t bear to bring them into more harm than good, as she had nothing else to care for.

She shook her head and started to move. She wiped her knuckles against the fabric of her top. It stung, but she paid it no mind.

No matter how hard she pushed him away, he stayed. Today, she voluntarily distanced herself away from him, especially after snapping at him with that question. He could see it in his eyes, there was no doubt it tugged on his heartstrings. 

A question to dodge _ his _ comment about hiding behind a mask.

He did hide his face behind a _ physical _ mask, but her mask was _ metaphorical _ . Her mask blocked who she _ used _ to be. He could see through her, see through the folly she’d been using after escaping hell.

She wanted to hate that, she wanted to _ hate _ him for _ that _.

Elke couldn’t lie to herself, and that was why she was here, walking aimlessly.

Even after all this time, he…

A deep sigh escaped her lips.

He still stayed with her, even if it was annoying him now.

Elke combed her bangs away from her forehead.

Gods, why was she an awkward mess?

She had no time to ponder as her eyes landed on the people ahead. It was the same group that they’d been dealing with recently, and this time, there were too many for her to handle alone. No matter, she had to win, she wouldn’t back out from this.

* * *

_ Can you find it in your heart to have a purpose other than fighting? _

Her hand froze upon writing the sentence on the paper.

This was…

Elke heaved out a small sigh. After helping him rest on his bed, here she was, alone in her own introspection. A tattered journal in one hand, a pen with low ink in the other.

She stared at the text she wrote. Silently, she read it over and over. Could she even find a purpose other than fighting?

Yes. Yes, she could.

She buried it deep inside and waited for that desire to die. She thought she’d given it up along the rest, even if it brought more sorrow than happiness. It was for the best, she always told herself. He found someone else, someone better.

At the coldest month of December, as the snow covered her sore shoulders, here he was, walking in her direction. It was mere chance to see him again for so long. Seven long years of no means of contacting each other. Elke had to suppress the urge to smile--he still looked the same, somewhat. Unlike her, he was still recognizable.

After seven years, Elke lost vision in her left eye, lost the strength to pursue her dreams, and lost her old self.

She was someone else, someone he didn’t know.

Elke only gave him a nod of acknowledgement. A big contrast to a tearful farewell she gave to him.

Remembering their reunion, she couldn’t help but shed a tear. After so long, she was now stuck in the crossroads again. She could find it in her heart, but could she even do it? Pursue it? She doubted that, not after listening to his woes.

She needed to leave, before it was too late for her. Elke didn’t want to bear another fact that the dream she buried for so long, would be buried forever. The time spent with him, even if it was unpleasant because of her defense mechanism to bury the feelings she had for him for so long, was the best time she had for so long. 

Her happiness wouldn't last forever, and before life robbed her of _ this _happiness, it was better to take matters into her own hands.

* * *

The seconds felt like minutes. Life was poured back into her. When she opened her eyes, there was no heaven, no sight of clouds spread across the field. There were no beautiful voices singing in harmony.

His face was the thing that greeted her vision. He was scowling at her, and she understood why. He was mad, mad at how she just asked him a question then ran away. And now, here they were, bodies sprawled everywhere, the smell of blood and iron wafted their nostrils.

Elke realized he was holding her. His hand grasping her head, guiding it to look directly at him. She couldn’t even remember if she had a coughing fit, everything was a blur. Next thing she knew, she was sitting up, his arm around her waist, securing her.

She could barely comprehend what he was saying at first, but when she could finally hear clearly, his words stabbed deep inside her inside her heart.

What was she thinking, running off like that and getting herself killed. He said his words with great emphasis, and he was explicit about his worries. 

Elke felt even more guilty than before. Casting her eyes away from his face, she prepared herself. No more hiding from him, no more relying on this persona she’d been using for so long… She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? A-after I left you because… because…” The words wouldn’t come out. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she knew the tears flowed soon after. 

Elke felt his hand squeezed her shoulder gently, and when she peered at him, she realized she couldn’t speak it. She reached up and took hold of his hand, noting how small her hand was compared to his. She squeezed his hand as tightly as she could, then she glanced back at him.

“May this tell you what I couldn’t say.”

His pupils diverted from her face to their hands. Without speaking another word, he pulled her closer against him. He gave her hand his own squeeze.

* * *

"Yes. Yes, I can." Her voice didn't waver. She clutched on the blanket that gave her warmth as she gazed at him, her face stern. "Like you, I have a dream, but unlike you, I don't think I'll pursue it."

It was his turn to glance at her with a scowl. He asked her if he said something stupid the other night, which she responded yes. "Alcohol had bared you when the conversation drifted into something… touchy…"

Elke diverted her face away from him. She just realized he was sitting beside the bed, near her. Even distance couldn't stop her from feeling his warmth. 

Silence took over for a while.

Normally, he would be somewhere else, busying himself with things until she was back to her usual stoic self. When her bottled feelings crack and she loses composure, it was usual for her to disappear from sight until she was sure she got her bearings back together.

Right now wasn't one of those instances.

"Maybe I'll find it in my heart to be me again…"

Elke glanced up at him with a small smile, fresh tears already staining her cheeks. "I'm so sorry for being an awkward mess… I…" 

She trailed off. She couldn't find the strength to speak out her thoughts, a fear of what he would think of her. She wanted to change the topic, but before she could come up with a lame attempt for an excuse, he reached up and patted her head.

It's okay, he said. Life gave her hell, and even if he didn't understand her fully yet, he would in time. He never left her, even at that time where she ticked him off, he had no plans of leaving her, unless she really wanted him to leave her alone.

"Please, stay… if you like…" Her face warmed up, but her smile only grew wider. "We have no one else to have as company, after all."

She covered up the fact that she wanted to stay with him as long as he permitted her. To hear him say those, some weight on her shoulders had taken off.

Elke wished this would last forever.

* * *

"Can you find it in your heart to be more honest with yourself?"

She could only stare at him with a reddened face. Even after all this time, she was still reluctant and shy around him. "C-Can you not ask me that?!"

"No, and you must answer my question."

A defeated curse escaped her. There was nowhere else to go. Elke could only slam her face against his chest, trying to suppress the urge to scream from embarrassment. "Saying it out loud is… so unlike me!"

"You know I'm not a mind reader, so if you want to say something, just say it."

"Oh… But-"

"No buts."

She groaned in defeat. She'd been taking small steps to be more, well, honest with her own feelings, but it just felt so surreal to accept the fact that this was reality.

Elke reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled him close to capture his lips, her brows furrowed as she stared directly at his eyes.

"Shut up."

She could feel him smirking in return. His hands trailed down and cupped a part of her that made her gasp in response, a perfect opening for him to explore her warm cavern. 

Just like that, she melted.


End file.
